Because truly—who has time to keep track of both?
Let’s just get this out of the way: You didn’t see menopause coming like this.
No one warned you that one morning you’d wake up drenched in sweat, emotionally fragile over a cereal commercial, and convinced that your bra had joined a witness protection program. Wasn’t menopause supposed to be… later? Softer? More subtle?
Yeah. Girl. No.
Turns out, menopause doesn’t arrive quietly. It crashes in—uninvited—kicks off its shoes, messes with your thermostat, and moves your memory around like furniture in the dark.
And here’s the kicker: you’re expected to just carry on like nothing’s happening. Work. Parent. Be pleasant. Show up. Ideally in something other than pajama pants and a sports bra.
So, if you’re in the thick of it—or even just peeking over the perimenopause edge—pull up a chair. I’ve got fans (literal and emotional), survival tips, and zero shame.
🔥 The Heat Is On—Literally
Hot flashes are no joke. One second, you’re fine, the next you’re sweating like you just ran a marathon in a fleece snowsuit. Except you’re sitting in a Zoom meeting pretending everything’s normal while you slowly melt into your office chair.
At night? Forget it. You start with blankets, wake up drenched, throw them off, get cold, pull them back on—and repeat. It’s like sleeping inside a volcano with mood lighting.
My survival tips:
Keep a little fan in your purse. You will not regret it. Bonus if it’s cute and folds.
Sleep in layers. Not because it’s cute, but because your body is moody now.
Frozen fruit is not just for smoothies—it’s now your snack and cold therapy.
🧠 Where Did My Brain Go?
You stand in the kitchen staring at the toaster, trying to remember what you were doing. You aren’t even making toast. That’s menopause brain fog. It’s like someone took your mental file cabinet and threw it down the stairs.
Conversations get fuzzy. Names disappear. You walk into rooms like you’re on a mission… then forget what the mission was. It’s disorienting. And frustrating.
But here’s the deal: You’re not dumb. You’re not broken. Your brain is just rebooting.
My survival tip:
Keep phone reminders for everything. Even drinking water.
Laugh at yourself when you feel blank. It beats crying.
Ask people to repeat things. (No shame. Also, they do it too.)
😭😡 The Mood Swings Are Real, and No, You’re Not Overreacting
There are days you cry because you can’t find the right lid for a Tupperware container. And then you get irrationally mad that there are so many lids in the first place.
It even gets worse when those closest to you try to show they care about what is going on (but what do they know, anyways). It’s like emotional roulette—but the wheel is rigged.
My survival tip:
Talking about it. Not bottling it up.
Giving yourself permission to feel it all. No guilt.
Telling your loved ones, “Hey, it’s one of those days. Proceed with snacks and kindness.”
You’re not crazy. You’re human—and hormonally hijacked.
🛏️ Sleep: That thing you find yourself missing dearly
Let me just say this: You never appreciate sleep more than when it leaves. You miss her. You think about her all the time.
Middle-of-the-night wake-ups, night sweats, anxiety that shows up like an uninvited houseguest… it’s exhausting. And somehow, the world expects you to show up at 8 a.m. like you didn’t just run a psychological marathon at 3 a.m.
Stick with this:
Cool bedding and blackout curtains. Game. Changers.
Take Magnesium supplement before bed.(Talk to your doctor about these)
A strict “no doom scrolling after 10 p.m.” rule (which I break sometimes—but trying!).
🧍🏽♀️ Let’s Talk About the Body Stuff
Can we talk about the weirdness? The bloating, the boobs that feel like strangers, the fact that your clothes don’t fit even though your weight didn’t change? And don’t even get me started on how you think your skin suddenly hates you.
Your body is shifting, stretching, rebalancing… and yeah, it’s confusing. It’s humbling. Sometimes it’s maddening.
But also: this body is carrying you through it. And that counts for something.
Learn to:
Dress for comfort and forget the rest.
Donate clothes that make you feel bad.
Compliment yourself out loud—even if it feels silly. (Make your mirror your BFF.)
💪🏽 You Are Not Alone (Even When It Feels Like You Are)
I wish we talked about this more. I wish someone told us at 30, “Hey, heads up—your body’s gonna change again. But you’ll be okay. And no, it’s not shameful. It’s human.”
Because the truth is, menopause isn’t just about symptoms. It’s about becoming. It’s uncomfortable, sure. But it’s also clarifying.
It strips away the stuff that doesn’t serve you anymore—expectations, people-pleasing, tight pants—and leaves you with truth.
You are still you. Maybe a little sweatier. A little softer. A little sassier. But still you.
And if you can get through this? Honestly, you can get through anything.
P.S.
If you’re reading this while fanning yourself with a takeout menu at 2 a.m., just know: I see you.
You’re doing great.
Even if your bra is still missing.